| 34 things I learned from video games:
1. There is no problem
that cannot be overcome by violence.
2. You can overcome
most adversaries simply by having enough quarters.
3. If it moves, KILL
IT!
4. Piloting any vehicle
is simple and requires no training.
5. One lone "good
guy" can defeat an indeterminate number of "bad guys."
A. "Bad
guys" move in predictable patterns.
B. Except
for "bosses," most "bad guys" can be dispatched with one hit.
C. You
often fare better against a large mob of "bad guys" then
against a "boss" in one on one combat.
6. "Bosses" always
hire henchmen weaker then they are to do their 'muscle work'.
7. If you see food
lying on the ground, eat it.
8. You can smash things
and get away with it.
A. Smashing
things doesn't hurt.
B. Many
nice things are hidden inside other things.
9. Cybernetics are
our friends.
10. When driving, you can
knock other vehicles off the road and get away with it.
11. If someone dies, they
disappear.
12. Money is frequently
found lying on the streets.
13. All shopkeepers carry
high-tech weaponry.
14. If you get mad enough,
you can fight even better than normal.
15. If it's on the ground,
you should get it.
16. Repulsive, ugly, cannabalistic,
evil beings have just as much right to be loved as heroic fighters.
17. The operation of a weapon
is a simple and obvious procedure.
18. You never run out of
ammunition, just grenades.
19. No matter how long you
fight, you can always fight again.
20. Death is reversible
(but only for you!).
21. Ninjas are common, and
fight in public frequently.
22. Whenever huge fat evil
men are about to die, they begin flashing red or yellow.
23. When you are born, you
drop out of the sky (a stork?) and are completely invincible for
a short time.
24. Although the enemy always
has more aircraft than you, they fly in elaborate patterns which make it
easier for you to shoot them all down.
25. All martial (marital?)
arts women wear revealing clothes and have great bodies.
26. All martial arts men
have rippling muscles and angry expressions.
27. The enemy always leaves
weapons or powerups lying around for no reason other than so their bitter
enemy can pick them up and defeat them with it.
28. Shoot everything.
If it blows up or dies, it was evil. If it doesn't, try and pick
it up--- it was probably a powerup or bonus.
29. Carpe diem! You
only live three times!
30. The most powerful fighters
always wait until you have acheived a near-impossible, flawless win record
and/or killed a certain number of opponents before they appear in your
presence and beat
the crap
out of you.
31. You sustain injury if
you shoot innocents.
32. 200 - 1 odds against
you is NOT a problem.
33. gang members frequently
all look the same, and often have the same names.
34. When racing vehicles,
do not worry if your vehicle crashes and explodes. A new vehicle will appear
in its place. |