Funny Email Jokes
Dog Life Lessons
Everything I ever needed to know I learned from my dog… 1. If you stare at someone long enough, eventually you’ll get what you want. 2. Don’t go out without ID. 3. Be direct with people; let them know exactly how you feel by pissing on their shoes. 4. Be aware of when to hold [...]
Woman Without Her Man – Joke
Woman Without Her Man An English professor wrote the words, “Woman without her man is nothing,” on the blackboard and directed the students to punctuate it correctly. The men wrote: “Woman, without her man, is nothing..” The women wrote: “Woman! Without her, man is nothing.”
Other Ways To Use the Thanksgiving Turkey
As a blunt object to fend off your pesky cousins with. An unexplored cavern for the new Barbie. A visual aid to explain to children where babies come from. Bury in the yard; for future midnight snacks. If you’re flying home, take the carcass as a carry-on. See what it looks like in the X-ray [...]
Thirteen Rules of Life – Joke
Thirteen Rules of Life: 1. Never give yourself a haircut after three margaritas. 2. You need only two tools. WD-40 and duct tape. If it doesn’t move and it should, use WD-40. If it moves and shouldn’t, use the tape. 3. The five most essential words for a healthy, vital relationship “I apologize” and “You [...]
34 Things I Learned from Video Games
34 things I learned from video games: 1. There is no problem that cannot be overcome by violence. 2. You can overcome most adversaries simply by having enough quarters. 3. If it moves, KILL IT! 4. Piloting any vehicle is simple and requires no training. 5. One lone “good guy” can defeat an indeterminate number [...]
Thanksgiving Preparations
Thanksgiving Prep He laid her on the table So white clean and bare. His forehead wet with beads of sweat He rubbed her here and there. He touched her neck and then her breast And then drooling felt her thigh. The slit was wet and all was set, He gave a joyous cry. The [...]
True Friends – joke
True Friends Are you tired of those sissy ‘friendship’ poems that always sound good, but never actually come close to reality? Well, here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little Smiley faces on this card – Just the stone cold truth of our great friendship. [...]
Santa – joke
Q: Why does Santa have 3 gardens? A: So he can hoe, hoe, hoe!
Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty At Thanksgiving
Top 10 Things That Sound Dirty At Thanksgiving 10. “Just reach in and grab the giblets.” 9. “Whew…that’s one terrific spread!” 8. “I am in the mood for a little dark meat!” 7. “Tying the legs together will keep the inside moist.” 6. “Talk about a HUGE breast!” 5. “And [...]
Success – joke
SUCCESS: At age 4 success is . . . not messing in your pants. At age 12 success is . . . having friends. At age 16 success is . . . having a drivers license. At age 20 success is . . . having sex. At age 35 success is . . . having [...]
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